Shego Gets a Job
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: Shego quits Team Go and attempts to join a team of evildoers, but finds that working with villains can be worse than working with heroes.
1. Chapter 1

**Shego Gets a Job**

_By Galaxy1001D_

Chapter One: Gemini

_Shego and other Disney characters are © Disney Co._

Outside of Go Tower, pride of the metropolitan Go City, a bitter woman was exiting trough the main entrance, struggling with her luggage. "So long, Losers!" she cried, dropping her luggage long enough to tear her mask off and throw it to the ground. "No more masks! I'm showing the world the real me! I'm sick of being a superhero! I'm gonna join a team of villains and show all of you!"

Clad in a nearly skin-tight green and black jumpsuit, the young woman was a vision of loveliness. Her slim and athletic build created the illusion of height, despite the fact she was only average size for a member of the fair sex. Her curvaceous bosom was a graceful addition to her physique, and did nothing to impair the impression of uncanny agility. Her face was blessed with a sensuous mouth, a delicate nose, sculpted cheekbones, and emerald eyes that could convey both girlish innocence and frightening power. Not even her pale, almost greenish complexion could detract from her appearance, for she was blessed with mane of raven black hair with green highlights that flowed down to just below her waist, concealing the enticing curves of her posterior from casual view.

Her brother, a handsome, muscular young man with blue hair, wearing a blue and black version of the uniform, did not tear off his mask, but instead tried to placate the angry young woman. "Now Shego, you've got to wear your mask. What about your secret identity? You are a member of Team Go…"

"You got wax in your ears?" retorted Shego. "Hego, I just said 'I quit.' I'm off the team. Sayonara, suckers, and if we meet again it will be a billion years too soon!"

"Hey, I understand that we can get on your nerves, sometimes," said Hego. "The twins are a handful, and Mego can be more immature than his younger brothers, but still…" he paused to take a deep breath before he made his pompous sounding announcement. "You are a member of Team Go…"

"Not any more!" insisted Shego. "I'm sick of tripping over a bunch of red suited lackwits (the twins wore red uniforms and could duplicate themselves many times over), I'm sick of listening to the whining of a self-absorbed narcissist (Mego tended to obsess about his own needs), and most of all, I'm sick of taking orders from a broad shouldered, blue idiot (Hego was the leader of the team)!" Shego carried her suitcases to a speedboat that was at the end of a short dock near the entrance to the tower. "I'm joining a gang of bad guys, and when we take over the world I'll show you all!"

"Shego, can't we talk this over," pleaded her blue brother as Shego started the speedboat's engine. "Don't go…"

"Sorry, Hego," replied his sister as one of her hands glowed with an emerald light. "The team's called 'Team Go', not 'Team Stay'." The fingers of her glowing gloved hand became razor sharp and she cut through the rope securing the boat to the dock. "Buh-bye Hego. Forget to write." And with that Shego's speedboat roared off into the bay of Go City and left Go Tower far behind.

* * *

Later, After Shego had found an apartment, she thumbed through a villain magazine published by Henchco that she had confiscated from one of the many evildoers that Team Go had fought in the past. "Hmm, want ads…" she muttered to herself. An advertisement caught her eye. "The World Wide Evil Empire!" exclaimed Shego. "'Join one of the biggest evil organizations on the planet,'" read the green young woman. "'Get experience in world domination and defeat Global Justice.' I am so there!"

* * *

In the evil headquarters of WWEE, the World Wide Evil Empire, the wicked leader of the organization read Shego's resume. Gemini was a large burly man with reddish brown hair and a sinister goatee. Shego was intrigued. Even though Gemini wore a ridiculous pinkish-red outfit and had a few extra pounds he was still sinfully handsome. "Hmm," purred the sophisticated villain. "Very impressive. Aircraft pilot, security expert, martial arts…you hardly need your super-powers." He set down the resume and fixed Shego with a penetrating stare. "But what can you bring the World Wide Evil Empire?"

Gemini's huge desk was elevated, making him appear to tower at least ten feet above Shego even while he was sitting down. Shego simply stood before the sinister mastermind feeling like a defendant dragged before a judge. She cleared her throat nervously, and forced herself to look him in the eye. "Well, most of my experience has been on the _crime-fighting_ side of the fence…"

"Yes," interrupted Gemini. "We know. We have been keeping tabs on Team Go in case we should need to increase operations in Go City." Gemini noticed Shego involuntarily wince and added: "Oh don't worry. We know your intentions are genuine. It was only a matter of time until you made your career change to evil. But again, what can you bring to WWEE?"

"Oh yes," Shego attempted to keep her voice nonchalant. "What can I bring to WWEE? Well as well as being a master thief, enforcer, and pilot I can also serve as a consultant." Gemini raised an eyebrow as Shego continued. "You see, I know what villains do wrong. I've taken advantage of the mistakes that bad guys are just too close to to see. Trust me, with me on your team, we'll have a few countries under our thumb in less than a year."

"Very well," purred Gemini after giving it some thought. "We will accept you on a trial basis. From now on, you will be known as 'Agent Sigma'."

"Heh-heh," chuckled pale woman nervously. "I prefer Shego."

"Excellent Agent Sigma!" announced Gemini. "You start at once!"

* * *

In the week that followed, operations at WWEE went smoothly, until the head of the evil organization said, "Call in Agent Sigma." Shego entered the office. "Ah, Agent Sigma," purred Gemini. "You appear to be out of uniform. Are you still affiliated with Team Go?"

Indeed, although Shego was no longer wearing her mask she was still clad in her green and black "Team Go" uniform that she wore during her superhero days. "Oh! Heh-heh," Shego nervously rubbed her arm. "Pink and white are not my colors. Besides, this outfit makes me stand out, don't cha think?"

"Indeed Agent Sigma…" replied Gemini dryly.

"Shego," corrected the pale green woman.

"Indeed Agent Sigma," repeated Gemini as if he had not heard her. "Have you managed to procure the nuclear device from Global Justice?"

"Not yet chief," replied Shego. "I've got the security codes to get in but I still need a layout of the complex if I'm to steal the nuke single-handed."

"Agent Sigma…" began the burly mastermind.

"Shego," corrected the felonious female.

"…have a seat." Gemini pushed a button on his desk and a chair popped out of the floor behind Shego. She jumped in surprise, then relaxed and sat down. "You have failed me for the last time," growled her boss.

"What?" gulped Shego. Suddenly the chair fell through a trap door and the raven-haired beauty found herself dropping into darkness. "Eeyah!"

"Send in Agent Zeta," purred Gemini.

* * *

"Aaagh!" Splash! Shego found herself in a dimly lit, underground grotto. When she kicked to the surface, she spied huge shark fins cutting across the water towards her. "Aaaa!" she screamed as her glowing hands fired green bolts of plasma. The water lit up with green energy as Shego swam to a bridge spanning the water. She pulled herself up over the safety railing and gasped for breath.

* * *

"Agent Zeta," said Gemini. "You have failed to capture Oscar Carlson. Have a seat." A chair appeared behind the hapless lackey.

"No thanks," smiled Agent Zeta. "I'd rather stand."

"That's right man!" encouraged Gemini. "Make a stand! Stand up to Global Justice!"

"I'll make a stand, sir!" Zeta gave a snappy salute.

"Good man," murmured Gemini as he pushed a button on his console. A trapdoor opened under Zeta and he disappeared screaming into the abyss.

"If that's what you do to your good men, I'd hate to see what you do to the bad ones!" A woman's voice rang out. Gemini pivoted his chair to see a dripping wet, angry Shego standing in the doorway. Her onyx hair, normally so thick and full of bounce, was matted flat to her head making her appear to have a seventies hairdo. Her pale, usually ghostly white face flushed green with rage.

"Ahh, Agent Sigma," purred Gemini. "I didn't expect to see you again."

"I'll bet you didn't," Shego growled, advancing on him. "What kind of IDIOT kills off his subordinates for such pitiful reasons! I was _going_ to steal that nuke, you moron! All it takes is a little patience--!"

Gemini snapped his fingers and pink and white uniformed henchmen appeared wielding firearms.

"Yah!" Shego executed a dive forward and leaped into the air as the bullets started firing. When she landed she shot out bolts of green energy at the lackeys that either knocked them down, disarmed them, or set their uniforms on fire. Then with a terrific leap, she jumped onto Gemini's desk and grabbed him. "I've got your boss!" She declared. "Either you…oouh!" She was cut off when Gemini punched her in the stomach, forcing her to release her grip. Shego growled and threw him down into the recessed area before his console.

"You should have fled when you have the chance, girl," snarled the evil mastermind, leaping to his feet.

"Funny," said Shego. "That's what I was about to say to you! Hrgrah!" She leaped down at him and jabbed her glowing hand in his face.

"Augh!" screamed Gemini, his hands clutching at his bloody face. "My eye! My eye! You poked out my eye!"

"Oh my gosh!" exclaimed Shego. "I didn't mean to. Here you better sit down over here and let me look at it…" She put her hands on his shoulders and led him over to the chair that he had summoned for Zeta. "Here you go. Sit down here. Everything's going to be all right."

The burly villain sat in the chair, rocking back and forth in pain. Suddenly, Shego did an impossible backflip, catapulting herself up to the chair behind the control console. "Sayonara, Cyclops!" She pushed a button and a screaming Gemini disappeared into a hole that opened under his chair. Just before the trapdoor closed, a splash could be heard.

"Okay, nimrods!" announced Shego to the terrified lackeys. "I want the money that Gemini owes me, and I want someone to pack my luggage, and I want the keys to an escape vehicle and if I don't get 'em, I'm gonna push the self-destruct button!" She glared at the henchmen. "What are you all standing around for? Move it! Move it! Move it!" Sounds of running footsteps could be heard as the agents of WWEE scurried to obey her orders.

_To be continued in __Shego Gets a Job__ Chapter two: Dementor!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Shego Gets a Job**

Chapter Two: Dementor

_By Galaxy1001D_

Shego and other Disney characters are © Disney Co.

Back at her apartment, Shego used a red pencil to draw a large "X" over the "help wanted" advertisement for the World Wide Evil Empire in her Villain Digest magazine. Her emerald eyes spied another ad. "'Evil cohort wanted, preferably nonsmoker. Technical and martial arts skills a plus. No timewasters please. Contact Professor Dementor, Castle De Menz, Bavaria.' Professor Dementor!" Shego gushed. "The most brilliant evil genius in the world! And he's looking for a cohort! Not a lackey, a cohort! This is the opportunity of a lifetime!"

* * *

At Castle De Menz, Shego received a warm welcome. "Ahh, _Fraulien_ Shego, a pleasure to meet you." Like Gemini, Professor Dementor had broad shoulders, a shock of brown hair on his head and a villainous goatee. Unlike Gemini, Professor Dementor was less than five feet tall. Rather than the deep purring growl that Gemini's voice had, Dementor's high-pitched voice made him sound like a little old man. Still, his eyes were alert and intelligent, and Dementor's energy was infectious. Even his red shirt and black pants were more masculine than Gemini's outfit.

"Ooh," cooed Shego as Dementor kissed her gloved hand. "The pleasure is all mine, Professor."

"I've read your resume, and I'm very impressed," said the vertically challenged villain with an audible German accent. "Come let me show you around, while my henchmen take your luggage. OTTO! Take Miss Shego's luggage to her ROOM!" His voice went from calm and conversational to loud and psychotic in seconds. Shego involuntarily jumped as he shouted. As quickly as his shouting fit had appeared, it passed, and Dementor was quiet and collected as the he took her hand and led her down the hall. "This way my dear." Dementor's henchmen were more impressive than Gemini's. Clad in Grey uniforms, they all were massive muscular men who moved with military precision. When they stood next to their boss, they made him appear short enough to be an extra from _The_ _Wizard of Oz._ Yes, Dementor certainly ran a tighter ship than Gemini did. Things were looking up.

The tour was impressive. Doomsday machines, training rooms for henchmen, armories, parlors, even a grand dining room. The castle had everything, and this, Shego was informed, was just his secondary headquarters. Dementor was such a gentleman, treating Shego as if she was an honored guest rather than an employee. Shego couldn't remember when she was given such a classy welcome.

After a delicious meal of pheasant under glass with her charming, if quirky host (err, employer), Shego was ready for bed. Her lavish quarters looked like a suite in an expensive hotel. It had a bedroom, dressing room, kitchenette, bathroom and Jacuzzi. She was flabbergasted. If Dementor rewarded all his loyal minions like this, their motivation should make world conquest easy.

Shego brushed her teeth and got ready for bed. She was wearing a green pair of pajamas when she turned out the light and shuffled over to the four-poster bed. With a yawn, she opened the curtains, pulled back the covers and got into bed…

…only to let out a frightened yelp and jump right back out again! "Hey!" she cried as she turned on the light.

To her horror, the fresh illumination revealed Professor Dementor lounging comfortably in her bed! "Good evening, my sweet," he cooed as he opened the covers to reveal that he was clad in nothing but a blue pair of boxer shorts decorated with little skulls. "Come on in, we have much to discuss."

Suddenly, Shego's hands ignited in green flames. "Yaaah!" She let out a battle cry and sunk her now razor sharp fingers into the top of Dementor's head. With a fluid motion she lifted him out her bed and spun her body as the centrifugal force suspended the surprised villain above the floor. Both the emerald vixen and the short scientist were screaming as she spun him around the room when a sickening tearing sound became barely audible. Shego stumbled backwards as Dementor was hurled across the room. Shego's hands extinguished their flames as a hideous "thud" was heard from the other side of the bedchamber. She blinked and beheld the fate of the perverted professor.

He had almost cleared the bed and his blue skull decorated boxer shorts and stubby legs were still visible. His head, arms and torso had fallen off to be hidden behind the four-poster bed, but a weak moan was still discernable.

Shego glanced down at her hands and shuddered to discover that her fingernails were imbedded in a furry pelt that had brown hair on one side and moist leathery skin on the other. "Agh!" She gagged when she realized what she was holding. "Get it off! Get it off!" She closed her eyes and extended her hands as far in front of her body as he could and wiggled around until the offending scalp came free. "Ooooah," she shuddered and then pranced gingerly to the bathroom.

Her thoughts raced through her head as she lathered down her hands with soap. In less than a minute the perfect career of villainy had vanished right down the tubes! The only thing she was thankful for was that aside a pair of pajamas, she had not gotten around to unpacking her bags yet.

Outside of Castle De Menz, a black helicopter could be seen lifting out of the main courtyard. Inside was a woman in a strange black and green uniform and many bags and suitcases.

* * *

When she returned to her Go City apartment, Shego took a closer look at Dementor's advertisement in Villain Digest. "_Consort_ wanted, not cohort," she sighed. "Oops, my bad," she muttered as she looked at other want ads. "Hmm, villainous sidekick wanted in bid for revenge. Must like golf, a green thumb a must. Contact Duff Killigan, Castle Killigan, Killigan's Island, Scotland. Duff Killigan?" She blinked. "The professional golfer? I didn't know he was a villain. Oh well," she sighed. "Revenge doesn't sound that profitable, but he should be loaded thanks to his sports merchandising."

* * *

Killigan's Island was one giant golf course with a medieval castle in its centre. Shego was assured that was the way they spelled "center" in Scotland. With the "r" before the "e" that would explain those accents, wouldn't it? Shego landed the helicopter that she had purloined from Dementor in the middle of the 18th green and didn't even bother to unpack her luggage. Wearing a black helmet and a matching leather jacket over her harlequin style Team Go uniform, the green lady rang the bell. A large legal sized envelope containing her resume was held in her left hand.

The portcullis raised with a harsh scraping noise and the main doors opened to reveal a troll like man with a red beard. Described as the John MacEnroe of golf, Duff Killigan was rumored to have been banned from golf courses worldwide because of his legendary fits of temper. It was rumored that his professional golf career was over and that even miniature golf courses had restraining orders on him. Killigan was dressed in a traditional kilt and tartan. A purple sweatshirt hid his hunched back from view and a beanie was placed snugly over his bald head. Long socks and cleats completed the twisted vision before wicked woman, but Shego had seen him on television and was prepared.

"Who be there?" he demanded with a thick Scottish burr in his voice.

"I've come to answer your ad for an assistant villain," she responded guardedly, her eyes studying him warily.

"Ooch! I never dreamed my ad in Villain's Digest would be answered by such a sexy young lassie sech as y'self!" The sinister golfer rubbed his hands together wickedly as he leered at the young woman. "You're dead sexy, you are! I have no idea if you've got the stomach for villainy, but I think I've got a position for you!" He burst in fiendish laughter.

"Oookay," responded Shego, raising one eyebrow. "Let me get my stuff out of the chopper, all right? Be right back." She turned at marched back to the helicopter, got in, secured the door, and started the engine.

"Hey!" shouted the irate Scotsman as he shook his fist. "Where d'ya think you're goin'? Ya said yeh'd be right back!" He saw the helicopter rise into the air and disappear into the horizon. "D'yeh think I came on too strong?" he muttered to himself.

_Next Chapter: Meet Doctor Drakken_


	3. Chapter 3

**Shego Gets a Job**

Chapter Three: Meet Doctor Drakken

_By Galaxy1001D_

Shego and other Disney characters are © Disney Co. Additional dialogue by Ben Elton, Richard Curtis, and Rowan Atkinson © BBC Enterprises Ltd.

Doctor Drakken sat at his desk, working on an electronic device. He was clad snugly in his blue lab coat, and unlike other scientists, he kept his coat shut. The high ceilings favored by supervillains around the world made the interior of his hideout incredibly hard to heat. When he was ready to move to a bigger lair, he decided, he would place it in the Caribbean or some other tropical locale to cut down on heating costs. In the meantime, his henchmen were required to wear the cowls and goggles on their red uniforms so that they all looked like they were members of a ski team.

His work was interrupted by the doorbell, and he turned to one of the aforementioned lackeys. "Lutz, get the door," he murmured, not looking up from his work.

"Yes, Doctor Drakken," said the short tubby henchman as he left the massive stone and metal walled chamber. He returned shortly, dragging a massive oak door behind him.

Doctor Drakken attempted to ignore him, but eventually looked up from his work and coolly gazed at his lackey, struggling with his burden. "Lutz, the explanation you are about to give to me better be very good," he said with an amused calm.

"You said, 'get the door,'" replied his helpless henchman.

"Not good enough," replied Drakken as he returned to his work. "You're fired." The doorbell rang yet again. "Before you clear out your desk and throw your stuff out onto the street could you see who it is at the d—, err, entrance?"

"Yes sir, Doctor Drakken," replied the meek minion, who left the room once again. Soon Lutz returned. "It's a young lady who wants to speak to you."

"Tell her to get stuffed," snapped the evil scientist. "I'm not seeing anyone today. And if she's selling cosmetics tell her that the lady of the house died from an allergic reaction to eye shadow and that we're expecting a huge settlement from the company."

"Are you sure you don't want to talk to her, sir?" replied goofy goon. "She's really good lookin' if you know what I mean."

"I don't care if she won the Miss Universe pageant for three years running while she was competing against a young Elizabeth Taylor and the resurrected remains of Marylyn Monroe and Cleopatra," Drakken said testily. "Tell her that if she doesn't get her high heeled, perfumed tushie off my porch I'm going to use her in a weapons testing experiment. Now go!"

Lutz sauntered out of the room, only to knock the door off its hinges as he tumbled back in again. "She seems very insistent on seeing you," he moaned.

"So I see," growled Drakken, irritably setting down his tools and drumming his fingers on the desk. "You're reinstated, Lutz. Show her in, then go get some henchman to help you get rid of her."

"Yes, Doctor Drakken," said the limping lackey as he left the room.

"You Doctor Drakken?" Striding boldly into the chamber was a curvy young woman with silky black hair. Her green and black outfit was styled somewhat like a jester's costume with alternative colors on either side. Her skin was deathly pale, with a slight yellowish-greenish tint the only color on her face. Her large green eyes appraised him critically. She could have been a Goth, for she appeared to be wearing black lipstick.

"Who wants to know?" The mad doctor sneered at her.

"You can call me, Shego," she replied, pausing when she heard his derisive snort. Shego eyed the mad scientist. He looked like a corpse for his skin was entirely blue. Bloodshot eyes peered out of dark circles on his face. Above his sickly orbs was one long bushy eyebrow that looked like a hairy black caterpillar. His spiky black hair was tied back in a ponytail, and his receding hairline and prominent cheekbones made his cadaverous face seem even more skull like. He was clad almost entirely in blue; the same shade has his skin. With his coat pulled shut he looked more like a wizard or priest than a scientist.

"What do you want?" he sighed.

"Did you put an ad in _Villain's Digest_ for an assistant?" she asked, brandishing the magazine.

"Yes I did," he replied, "but that is last month's issue. The position has been filled."

"What?!" The look of shock on Shego's face was more fitting for a helpless victim than a sinister cohort. "You're kidding? By who?"

"Let me introduce you to my new apprentice," sneered Drakken pushing a button on a speakerphone hidden in the desk. "Andrea, get in here."

"FREAKY!" A blonde woman shrieked as she burst through a door behind Drakken's desk. "Andrea Lindsey is in the house! Freaky!" The girl was slender and beautiful, her sophisticated features completely at odds with her ludicrous behavior. She was clad in red blouse and tight jeans that left little to the imagination.

"You—" Shego struggled to control her temper as she started to march forward. "—hired this blonde ball of fluff instead of me? Didn't you even _look_ at my resume?"

"Oh, uh, sure…" Drakken glanced guilty at a wastebasket to the right of his desk. "…but she got here first." Andrea sat seductively on Drakken's desk and assumed a pose appropriate to a pin-up girl.

"What can _she_ do that's so great?!" Shego halted in the center of the room and snarled.

"She can override satellite transmitions on a budget," replied Drakken. "You have no idea how handy it is to take control of television sets when you are giving the world an ultimatum."

"I've got _awesome _technical skills," smirked Andrea.

Shego closed her eyes and put her hand to her forehead as if she was in pain. "You—hired—this—brainless bimbo…" In the distance a teakettle was whistling.

Andrea hopped off the desk to march forward and confront Shego. "Listen, sister, the job has been taken, so you better get your skanky keester out of here! I've been taking judo, and if you don't leave, things can get—" She raised her hands and waggled her fingers dramatically as she let out a deafening high-pitched shriek. "—FREAKY!"

Suddenly a glowing green fist collided with Andrea's face and sent the poor woman flying. She bounced off the wall behind Drakken, moaned and passed out. "What have you done to her?" Drakken cried in horror.

"Nothing intensive care can't fix," Shego retorted as she shook her aching hand. She fixed Drakken with a steely gaze and put her hands on her hips. "Okay, Drakken, pop quiz. Let's say that someone was trying to _get you_." The blue villain gulped in fear. "You hired an empty headed Barbie doll as your enforcer, and she's lying on the floor unconscious. Now what do you do?"

"Now what do I do?" Drakken put his hand to his chin and glanced around fearfully. "Now what do I do? Ah-ha!" He pointed to the ceiling as he stood up and grinned maniacally. "I have options! I have henchmen!" At that moment, redsuited henchmen entered the room wielding Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine guns. "Gentlemen, show her what it feels like to be Swiss cheese. Ha ha ha!"

As they began firing, Shego ran forward, executing dodges, flips and cartwheels worthy of an Olympic gymnast. Drakken gasped in horror when he realized that her route was drawing his mercenaries' line of fire in his direction. He crouched down with his back against the desk and covered his eyes with his hands. As Shego leaped above his desk, bullets bounced off the metal and stonewalls and ricocheted back at him. "Stop firing, you fools!" he cried as fragments of wood splintered only inches away. "Ahh! I'm hit!"

Later in Drakken's makeshift infirmary, Shego was treating the injury on Drakken's left cheek. "That's a pretty nasty cut, there, chief," she said as she applied a compress to his face. "Looks like you got nicked by a ricochet. It's gonna need stitches."

"Thanks to you, I'll probably be scarred for life," Drakken grumbled as he pressed the bandage against his wound.

"Hey, don't blame me if your minions don't now how to shoot," protested the green young woman. "If you're too cheap to spring for a firing range, arm 'em with cattle prods or somethin'."

_Next Chapter: Welcome to the Job_


	4. Chapter 4

**Shego Gets a Job**

Chapter Four: Welcome to the Job

_By Galaxy1001D_

Shego and other Disney characters are © Disney Co.

Doctor Drakken winced as Shego finished sewing the stitches on his left cheek. "Why are you still here?"

"I told you," she replied. "I want a job."

"Too bad," huffed the blue villain. "The position has been taken."

"Are you crazy?" Shego snapped. "Did you pay any attention to what happened back there?"

"You mean when you are around Drakken and his sidekick go ouch?" Came the sarcastic response. "Yeah, I paid close attention to that." Just then a phone rang. Drakken picked it up. "Hello? Yes Andrea, I'm glad you are all right." Shego could make out a high-pitched angry sound responding to Drakken's replies. "Ooh, I'm sorry to hear that." More angry sounds. "What? You can't leave me like this…" Bestial screeches interrupted him. "You can't hold me responsible!" More shrieking noises could be heard. "All right! Be that way! Who needs you, anyway!" Drakken slammed the phone on the receiver.

"Problems?" Shego crossed her arms in smug satisfaction.

"Andrea has resigned and is threatening to sue," muttered the blue scientist through clenched teeth.

"Gee, that's too bad," smiled Shego. "I guess the sidekick position is open."

"Don't be so sure of yourself," growled Drakken. "You've caused nothing but pain and chaos ever since you got here…"

"Pain and chaos," interrupted Shego. "Isn't that what being a villain is all about?"

"No it's about me ruling the world!" cried Drakken. "Will you get out of here?"

"Fine," snarled Shego, heading for the door. "I don't want to work for a third-rate villain like you anyway. You're just lucky that I don't do to you what I did to Professor Dementor."

"Professor Dementor?" Drakken snapped out of his rage and studied Shego quizzically. "What did you do to Professor Dementor?"

"When he tried to go to bed with me I scalped him," Shego stopped at the doorway and turned to give him a murderous glance. "Literally."

"Really?" Drakken's eyes lit up. "You did that to Dementor?" He smiled with childish glee and did a little jig. "It's a zippity-do-da day! I've longed for that know-it-all to be put in his place!" Suddenly he realized that he was alone. "Wait! Don't go!" he ran out into the hall after her. "Wait! Shego! I've changed my mind!"

"Forget it, Doctor Dee." She continued walking down the hall without even looking back. "That ship has sailed."

"Oh, please, please, stay!" Drakken ran in front of her and clasped his hands in a pleading motion. "You don't know how much it would mean to me if you did! You'd really be doing me a solid! C'mon, give it a try! Please?"

"Sorry, Doctor Dunce," replied Shego as she coldly walked past him. "Not interested."

"Come on!" pleaded Drakken as he dropped to his knees and grabbed her leg. "I promise I won't be like Dementor! I'll be the best egomaniacal evil doctor ever! I swear!"

Shego stopped in her tracks and glared down at Drakken. Drakken looked frightened and confused, until he realized that his arms were around her leg. He smiled nervously and released her. Shego sighed and looked at the ceiling. "I know I'm going to regret this," she muttered. She addressed Drakken. "What changed your mind? You were going to throw me out a minute ago."

"That was before I knew what you did to Dementor!" Drakken smiled and leapt to his feet. "I loathe that man! Everything goes so easy for him! But now he's got what's coming to him! Ha-ha!"

"Wait-wait-wait a minute," Shego made a time out gesture with her hands. "You want to hire me just to one-up some other super villain?"

"Precisely," grinned Drakken.

"Are all villains this petty?" sighed Shego.

"C'mon it will be fun being my sidekick!" said Drakken happily. "We've got a great dental plan!" His unibrow waggled up and down seductively.

Shego let out a huge sigh. "Okay, but I want a piece of the action," she demanded. "I'm not some expendable henchman. I'm a partner, a cohort, a sidekick. No experimenting on me, no eliminating me for failure or disagreeing with you, and no sexual harassment, got it?"

"Got it," smiled Drakken. Suddenly he frowned. "Partner?"

"Yeah," responded Shego. "Whenever we blackmail the world, I want a percentage of the gross."

"Are you going to help pay for the operation as well?" When the only response was stony silence, Drakken smiled smugly. "Fine. You can be a _junior_ partner. How does ten percent of the gross sound?"

"I want dental, medical and a guaranteed week's vacation too!" Shego snapped.

"Do you want the fillings out of my teeth while you're at it?" Drakken frowned, and then he had a thought. "Fine, but you have to do something extra for me, then."

"What?" Shego crossed her arms suspiciously.

"W-when Professor Dementor is around, could you to pretend to be my girlfriend?" His eyes became big and a hopeful smile crossed his face.

"What happened to the 'no sexual harassment' clause?" Shego crossed her arms.

"_Pretend_," said the mad scientist gesturing with his hands. "Act, play make-believe. You won't _really _be my girlfriend. Just try to be more darling when he is around. You know, call me a pet name like 'sweetheart' or 'cuddlemuffin' when he's in earshot…"

"Uh, no offense _sweetheart_," Shego smiled sarcastically. "But after what I did to him, if Dementor is around, it will probably be a combat situation."

"Then what's the big deal?" smiled Drakken. "You'll be too busy defending me…er…yourself to get all kissy-face or anything. I just want to rub it in his face that you turned him down and chose _me_ instead!"

Shego closed her eyes as she put a hand on her forehead and sighed. "Okay, when Dementor is present I'll _pretend_ to be your girlfriend…_cuddlemuffin_."

"_When Professor Dementor is around_," growled Drakken. "I don't see him around here, do you?"

"Okay, get one of your henchmen to bring in my stuff," said Shego. "Hmm, I just had a thought…you're a supervillain right?"

"That goes without saying," he replied proudly.

"Got any super powers?" she asked. "You know, to go with the blue skin?"

Drakken looked uncomfortable. "Aside of my incredible genius, you mean?"

"Doy," Shego snorted derisively. "Yeah, aside of that."

"Well…I don't really like to talk about it…especially in light of what just happened…" Drakken touched the stitches on his face gingerly. "You see, I have incredible resistance and recuperation from blunt force trauma, electrical, fire, and radiation damage."

"What-what and what-what?" Shego's hands were at her hips.

Drakken sighed. "It means that while a gun or a knife can kill me just as easily as anyone else, it's a lot of work to beat me to death with a club or pour gasoline on me and set me on fire. I have a better chance of surviving being put into an electric chair than just about anyone on the planet. I could probably survive a car accident with no permanent injuries even if the fuel tank caught on fire, but I can still suffer from a paper-cut."

"So, electricity or fire can't kill you?" Shego asked.

"Enough of it can kill me, but if it doesn't I can heal all my burns in less than a half hour."

"Really?" The green and black clad woman pointed her finger at Drakken as a crackling ball of green flame enveloped his head.

"Nyahhh!" He screamed. When the green fire dispersed, his face was covered with a fine grey ash and the hair on the top and sides of his head was burned away. "Why did you do that for?" He protested.

"I was just cauterizing the wound," said Shego, blowing some imaginary smoke from her finger.

"Well don't do it again," glowered the blue scientist. "I'm _resistant_ to fire, not immune and—Agh!" He was cut off when Shego punched him in the face, knocking him down. "Will you stop doing that?!" he bawled. Grumbling under his breath, he got back up holding his nose.

"Well, what do you know," said Shego, peering at the top of his head as he rose to his feet. "I think I can see tiny new hairs poking up out of your head. No wonder your hair is so spiky." She gently removed his hand from his nose and studied his face. "And I should have broke your nose with that blow, but you're not even bruised. Of course, with your blue skin it's kind of hard to tell…"

"Stop it!" Drakken hollered, waving his hands and stepping away from her. "I'm not immune to physical trauma, I'm simply resistant and heal really, really, fast. Will you lay off? My face has taken enough for one day," he whined, gingerly touching the wound on his face. "The stitches have burnt right into my skin. Thanks a lot. Now I look like Herman Munster's stunt double."

"Ahh, don't worry about it," said Shego. "Just tell everyone that you got that scar while taking fencing lessons. It will make you seem more dangerous. Hey, wait a minute. Why aren't you some tough fightin' dude if you are so hard to hurt?"

"The pain receptors in my skin seem to function quite well regardless of how much physical punishment I take," Drakken complained. "As a matter of fact, I seem to be extra sensitive to pain. Hence the protective gloves on my hands and whatnot. As you can imagine, I've been hesitant to do an intensive study on exactly how much damage I can take…"

Mmm-hmm," Shego nodded. "Ya got any other super powers?"

"Nothing worth mentioning," he replied. "Before my accident…uh…I mean the experiment that turned me blue, I had to wear glasses." His mercurial expression changed to one of joy. "But now my vision is twenty-twenty!"

"Well, that explains the bloodshot eyes," thought Shego. "Anything else?" She asked him out loud.

"Err, um," Drakken thought about it. "A lot of men my age complain of lower back pain, loss of flexibility and stamina, stuff like that; but I seem to have the body of a twenty-year-old!" His happy expression melted into one of gloom. "Even if I have the looks of a fifty-year-old," he grumbled.

"No," thought Shego, "you look like a corpse. Maybe that's why he acts so lively, to make up for it. Oh well, when you've got sallow green skin and nails as sharp as razor blades you don't criticize other people's looks." Shego attempted to raise his spirits. "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself," she grinned at him. "You cut a manly figure."

"Really?" he smiled.

"Sure," said Shego. "You got nice broad shoulders, a heroic chin, and hey, I'm not the one to comment on skin color. In high school, they always wanted me to play an elf in Christmas plays."

"Thanks Shego," said Drakken. "No one is really nice to me."

"That's probably because you're so thoroughly unlikable," smirked Shego.

"Shego, your words hurt!" he protested.

"Sorry," she chuckled. "But you walked right into that one, Doctor Dee. So, you got any great take over the world schemes going on right now?"

"Well," he sighed. "I was working on something, but it got wrecked when my desk was riddled with gunfire. I guess I'll just have to do what I always do…hijack a nuclear missile and hold the world hostage."

"That's great!" exclaimed Shego. "Global Justice has recently impounded a nuclear warhead and I've got the Gee-jay's clearance codes."

"And I've got a partial set of blueprints for Global Justice headquarters around here somewhere!" grinned Drakken. "You, know, in case I was captured and I needed to escape from a holding cell."

"Then lets get together and plan this heist!" smiled Shego. "You know Doctor Dee, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"And a weird, twisted, one," winked Drakken. "But, you know, that goes without saying."

Shego found herself grinning in spite of herself.

_Next Chapter: D&S vs OC_


	5. Chapter 5

**Shego Gets a Job **

Chapter Five: D&S vs. OC

_By Galaxy1001D_

Shego and other Disney characters are © Disney Co. Additional Dialog by Mike Myers © New Line Cinema. Oscar Carlson suggested by whitem.

"…And then, when I was twelve, I had to wear glasses, and my classmates used to tease me mercilessly…" The mad doctor droned on incessantly. Over the past two weeks, Shego had learned more than she wanted to about Drakken's traumatic past. The heist of the nuclear warhead had gone off without a hitch. Drakken was actually a pretty good boss, all things considered. He didn't execute subordinates who displeased him; he fired them (and often rehired them again when the budget permitted). He even had morale boosting special events, like an annual evil family picnic. He didn't see Shego as a sex object or eye candy, but respected her as a partner, or at least a sidekick. The problem was the Drakken's twisted childhood had not only left him an evil megalomaniac, it had also left him a childish and insecure man who required constant reassurance and praise.

Shego recalled a mocking line she had jabbed at villains during her days as a superhero in Go City. "Were you ever bullied in school? I mean the gloating, the conquest, the evil…there must be some reason." Sure enough, she nearly always touched a nerve with that question, for most villains had a reason to hate mankind more than greed.

With Drakken there was no doubt. Unlike most other villains, he was perfectly willing to talk about the unpleasant aspects of his past. Sometimes he would obsess on them.

She tried to be patient and pretend to listen. It can be hard to keep all that bottled up, after all. He had to find someone to trust before he opened himself up like that after all and (at first) Shego was flattered that he felt comfortable sharing his past with her. It wouldn't make sense share your psychological weaknesses with the heroes trying to stop you or with a competitor after all. And best of all, he seemed to respect her privacy and didn't pry into her past, either.

Unfortunately, Shego's patience was wearing thin. He just went on and on… If the cops ever caught up with him, Shego hoped that he would share a cell with some annoying blabbermouth just so he would know how it felt like.

So she started interrupting him. Mocking him. Gently at first, but soon she was forced to get nasty. And he took it all in stride. Oh, he would whine, glower, and complain, but not once would he really threaten her. Compared to Gemini, he was a prince!

At the moment the lithe green woman was sitting in a chair flipping through a magazine. She discovered that reading something while Drakken was ranting provided a filter that made hearing his prattling bearable. "Called you four-eyes, huh?" said Shego, turning a page of her fashion magazine. With her complexion it was hard to find anything other than green and black that could be considered "her colors" and often she was forced to try Goth fashions.

"Yes, those little jackanapes!" Drakken growled. Shego silently mouthed the words that Drakken said next. "One day I'll make them pay! Every last one of them!" Drakken suddenly stopped whining to become calm and professional. "Hand me that secondary mother board, will you?"

Shego set down her magazine to walk over to the worktable where the blue bad guy was modifying the detonator of the nuclear bomb they had stole. "Uhh, no offense, Doc," she said as she handed him the mother board, "but isn't this is a bit menial for a _partner_? Shouldn't one of the henchmen be assisting you?"

"Don't be silly, Shego," Drakken retorted. "I wouldn't trust those lackwits with something this delicate. _You_ on the other hand, have the hands of a surgeon. You even come with built-in scalpels…"

Shego smiled at Drakken's involuntary, backhanded compliment. Drakken never praised anyone but himself on purpose, but he often expressed admiration for his green sidekick on accident. Shego knew that he wasn't trying to flatter her; he actually meant it. Perhaps Drakken wasn't as clueless as he appeared.

The problem, she decided, was that Drakken wasn't merely a scientist; he was also an artist. Granted his art was doomsday weapons and schemes to take over the world. Artists could be unusually sensitive, unstable, temperamental, and narcissistic. Drakken was no exception. Still, she had to admit that they did seem to compliment each other. She could never come up with the crazy ideas that he came up with, but she could ground them in reality so that they could actually work.

"Hey, boss?" A gruff voice interrupted their conversation. Shego and Drakken turned to see the two henchmen who had just entered the room with a prisoner in tow. "We caught an intruder. What should we do with him?" Between the red suited henchmen was a bespectacled man wearing a tuxedo.

"What's the matter?" Shego smirked. "Get lost on the way to a wedding? Or in your, case a _funeral_?"

"'Allo-'allo-'allo," said the man with a cheerful British accent. He didn't talk like a BBC newscaster, but more like one of the Beatles. Perhaps he was from Liverpool? "Who's this little minx, hey?" He winked at Shego and waggled his eyebrows seductively. Shego crossed her arms and made a noise that was somewhere between a grunt and a sigh.

"Well, well, well," gloated Drakken. "Oscar Carlson, my archfoe! Let me introduce you to my new sidekick. Shego, this is Special Agent Oscar Carlson of Global Justice. Agent Carlson, meet Shego, my kung-fu sidekick."

"Hi." Shego shrugged with disinterest. Carlson didn't look like much to her.

"Shego," said Carlson stepping forward to kiss her gloved hand. "I don't think I've had…_the pleasure_…of your acquaintance.

Shego took her hand away seconds before his lips touched her glove, grunting in irritation. Ever since she grew up into womanhood as a member of Team Go villains had been hitting on her. Some didn't take no for an answer. By now Shego's standard reaction to being flirted with was often senseless violence. She couldn't believe that _heroes_ could be pigs too! Hego never acted like this.

"What's with your teeth?" she asked him.

"Beg pardon?" said the British agent adjusting his glasses.

"Your teeth, they're _nasty_," smirked the villainous vixen.

"Oh, _that_," said Carlson. "Oh, I'm English."

"What's with the Brits and the bad chompers?" said Shego. "They don't have dentists in jolly ol' England?"

"Oh, well," replied the irritatingly unflappable agent. "Back home we have an uncontrollable addiction to sweets."

"Say what?" said Shego, suspecting that he was talking about women.

"Confections," he clarified. "Candy."

"Oh."

"Chocolate bars, gobstoppers, lemon drops, humbugs, jelly babies…"

"I think I get the picture."

"…licorice strips, milk duds, vanilla wafers, candy canes, sugar plums…"

"So you guys really like your candy, huh?"

"…pixie sticks, m & m's, fruit rollups, fig newtons, peppermint twists…"

"You love your candy. Got it."

"…lollypops, tootsie rolls, gum drops, juju beans, gingerbread squares…"

"I GOT IT!" Shego screamed at him. "Will you SHUT your PIE-HOLE! You love candy! I got it! I understand! It computes! Shut up already!"

"Sorry, love," Carlson grinned disarmingly. "Just listing all the things that are as sweet as _you_." Shego rolled her eyes, growled, ignited a green glow on her clenched fists.

"Hello?" said Drakken, trying to get their attention. "Doctor Drakken here. Evil mastermind. Remember me?" When they turned to listen to him his voice deepened and his face cracked with a threatening smile. "Ah, Oscar Carlson, we must prepare a suitable welcome for _you_." Shego got goosebumps. That tone of voice was _scary_. Finally, Drakken was getting into character. Shego could learn how to be evil at the feet of a master! "Oh Drat," muttered Drakken as the doorbell rang. "Lutz, get the door…no wait! Shego, _you_ go see who it is!"

"Got it, Doc," said Shego. "Don't start without me, okay?" She trotted down the hall and opened the front door.

Outside were two cute little children who couldn't have been older than ten or eleven. The girl was a redhead with braces who wore a pressed Pixie-scout uniform. The boy had messy blonde hair and wore jeans and a long-sleeved Disneyland tee shirt. "Good afternoon, ma'am," smiled the little girl. "Would you like to buy some delicious Pixie-scout muffins?"

Shego couldn't believe she was missing Drakken's confrontation with his archfoe for this. "Scram you little brats!" She growled. "Go play in traffic!" She slammed the door.

The Pixie-scout's bottom lip trembled at tears welled up in her eyes. When her friend saw that, he became incensed. "How dare she slam the door in your face, Kay-pee!" he cried. "Someday, lady, you will pay!" The boy shook his fist at the door. "You will rue the day you slammed the door in Kim's face! You will curse the day you met Kim Possible!"

"Amp down the drama, Ron," said the girl, recovering her composure. "We'll just see if the people next door want any."

"Okay, Kay-pee." As she left the porch he followed her.

When Shego returned to the control room she did a double take. A rectangular dining table dominated the room with places set for three. Drakken and Carlson were seated at opposite ends of the table exchanging banter over glasses of red wine and T-bone steaks. "Wha-whu-huh?" she started stupidly.

"Ah, Shego," purred Doctor Drakken. "Care to join us? We saved a place for you."

"S-sure Doc," stuttered Shego. "Whatever you say…" She sat down in the chair in between them and looked down at her covered plate. She lifted the metal lid and looked at steak, potatoes and gravy, mixed vegetables and a dinner roll.

"So Doctor Drakken," said Oscar Carlson, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "How did you escape from prison anyway?"

"Ahh, glad you asked, Carlson," grinned Drakken. I was a prison trustee and repaired the television sets. I created a remote control that opened the cell doors."

"That'll teach those dumb sods not to let a mad scientist near the electronic doodads," joked Carlson.

"You got that right!" Drakken and Carlson shared a laugh. Shego stared at them like they were both insane.

"So how did you get that stylish scar, anyway, Doctor?" purred Oscar Carlson. "I didn't give you that when I destroyed your last liar, did I?"

"Oh, this?" Drakken touched his wounded cheek self-consciously. He looked at Shego and faltered for the right wounds. "Oh, I…got…this…er…uh…at fencing practice. Yes, at fencing practice, that's right."

"Well, I'd hate to be the poor blighter who gave it to you," said Carlson in a light, conversational tone. "Not to change the subject, but what's your evil scheme this time? Still playing the world conquest angle?"

"Indeed, Oscar," gloated Drakken, "but this time I thought I'd start with something less ambitious. Blackmail! I've got GJ's nuclear bomb and one of their best agents and if they want them back they'll have to pay…a billion dollars!"

"Do you really expect them to pay?" Carlson took a sip of his wine.

"If they don't, I shall detonate the bomb in a major metropolitan area," sneered Drakken. "The fallout will kill millions! Ha ha ha!"

"Oh, excuse me, love," said Carlson, addressing Shego. "Where are my manners? Don't mean to leave out of the conversation, baby. So, how does a beautiful chick like you get to work for a mad scientist anyway? Drakken, how did you manage to cage a bird like this?"

"Call me 'baby' again and you won't be able to have any," Shego muttered darkly.

"You're not the only ladies man in the room." Drakken's eyebrow waggled up and down.

"Oh please," muttered Shego.

"Psst! Shego," Drakken whispered to her. "Could you pretend to be my girlfriend?"

"I don't see Dementor around here, do you?" she smiled softly.

"C'mon Shego," he quietly pleaded. "Could you at least drop a hint that I have lots of girlfriends, or something?"

Shego took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Fine," she muttered. "Oh, Agent Carlson," she chirped with exaggerated cheerfulness. "Did you know that Drakken has lots of girlfriends?"

"No, love, I didn't," he smiled.

"Shego…" Drakken whined.

"Oh, yeah," lied Shego. "He's really quite the player. He barely has time for his evil schemes what with hitting the nightclubs and all."

"Shego quit it!" Drakken hissed.

"I get so jealous sometimes, that I just don't know what to do," she grinned with false innocence. "But hey, no one can satisfy a woman like Doctor Drakken can!"

"I'm warning you, Shego," the scarred scientist growled.

"I just _love_ this man!" crowed the raven-haired woman. "He's just so blue and evil! His eyes are so…bloodshot, and his laugh sends chills up my spine!"

"Can't you be more subtle?" he hissed at her.

"Ooh, sorry, boss," she teased. "Did I lay it on too thick?"

"You could have covered two slices of bread and made a sandwich with it," he grumbled.

"So, baby," smiled Oscar Carlson. "Could I interest you in changing sides? I've got two tickets for a Mediterranean cruise if you help me escape."

"Drop dead," she retorted. "If you can't do it alone I'll be glad to help."

"Shego, I'm proud of you!" Drakken exclaimed joyfully. "You've managed to resist Oscar Carlson's charm!"

"What charm?" She crossed her arms. "What makes this guy all that?"

"I am all that, baby," said the Global Justice agent smugly.

"Oh, please," mocked Shego. "Your about as charming as an embarrassing rash."

"And we all know how we get embarrassing rashes, now don't we?" he smiled.

"Ahem," Drakken cleared his throat in irritation. "Excuse me. Could we focus our attention on the criminal mastermind?"

"Oh, pardon me, Drakken," said Carlson. "Do go on."

"Yes! Where was I?" Drakken struggled to reorder his ranting. "I shall detonate the nuclear warhead in a major metropolitan area," sneered Drakken. "The fallout will kill millions! And you'll never guess where I've hid it! Ha-ha-ha!"

"Let's see," mused the British agent. "Statue of Liberty in New York City?"

"No," Drakken shook his head. "Guess again."

"Westminster Abbey in London?"

"Nope!" smiled Drakken. "Guess again!"

"The Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC?"

"No! No! No!" Drakken was jumping up and down in his chair like a child excited over his birthday presents. "You have no clue, do you? You don't know that I've hidden the nuke in—"

Shego jumped out of her chair and put her hand over his mouth. "Doctor Drakken?" She eyed Carlson with alarm. "Can we have a brief huddle?"

"What is it, Shego?" grumbled the blue villain. "Can't you see I'm gloating over my archfoe here?"

"Uh, yeah…about that…" She seemed somewhat embarrassed. "Can I speak to you privately?"

"Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of my archfoe," Drakken announced. Shego put her hands over her face.

"Okay, _Doc_," she said through clenched teeth. "What's with all the food? Why are you feeding him? Don't you guys like…I don't know…hate each other's guts or something."

"Forgive her, she's new," said Drakken to the English agent.

"Quite all right old man," Oscar nodded graciously.

Drakken addressed Shego. "It's an ancient villain tradition that goes back to the age of chivalry," he stated. "The bad guy attempts to get the good guy to join him by using a combination of fine dining and threats. Its kind of a carrot and stick approach."

"Okay," said Shego crossing her arms. "So why are you telling him your plan?"

Drakken seemed taken aback by this question. "But-but he's been captured!" He stammered. "He's helpless! What better way to demoralize him than to show him how clever I've been?"

"So you're breaking his spirit by…feeding him steak?" said Shego.

"By the way, my steak's a little dry," said Carlson. "Don't mean to complain, but the prime rib you served me last time was better."

"LAST TIME?" Shego exclaimed. "You've fed him before?"

"Of course, Shego," Drakken shrugged, a bit alarmed by his assistant's behavior. "I've captured him before, you know."

"You have?" She cried. "How many times before?"

"I don't know," he put his hand on his chin in thought. "What does this make it, Carlson?"

"Six," offered Oscar Carlson.

"Oh yes," said Drakken. "Six times I guess…"

"You've captured this guy _six_ times and you _still_ haven't killed him?" She uttered incredulously. "And you've fed him every time?" He mutely nodded. "No offense Doc, but if he didn't join you the first time, aren't you wasting food on him this time?"

"Well, it's not just the whole seduction speech you know," said Drakken patiently. "Its also a sign of superiority to lord it over your foe. Being able to treat your enemies to dinner indicates invulnerability. Besides, who else can appreciate the intricacies of my plan?"

"Have you told him the plan _every_ time?" she asked him.

"Yes," grumbled Drakken, "and he always manages to defeat me. I can't understand it…"

"No wonder you haven't taken over the world yet!" Shego eyes widened in realization. It was obvious that Drakken had nothing to teach her about villainy. _She_ would have to teach _him_. "Every time you capture him, you feed him steak, and tell him your plan. No wonder he always defeats you! You're an idiot!"

"Shego," said Drakken coolly. "When this is over, remind me to have a conversation with you about hurting with our words…"

"Besides, that's what you have _me_ for!" Shego jabbed her chest for emphasis. "_I'm_ the loyal sidekick. Instead of trying to stop your plan, _I'm_ the one who's busting her chops trying to make sure it succeeds! Tell _me_ your great plan!" She paused to take a breath and calm down. "Okay, since you know he won't join you, shouldn't you skip this part?" She asked him. "Go right to the execution part. Just take him into the back room and shoot him. Bang! Bang!" Her hand mimed firing a pistol.

"Uh," grunted Drakken.

"Or if you can't stand the sight of blood, bury him alive," she continued. "If shooting is too good for him, give him an overly elaborate and exotic death, leave the room and assign only one incompetent guard to make sure its carried out, but don't tell him the _plan_!" She moaned. "Look at him! His tux isn't even messed up! He surrendered to your henchmen without a fight! He _let _himself be captured so he could learn your plan and defeat you! For crying out loud, you almost told him where the warhead is!"

"You're right!" said Drakken. "So _that's_ how he does it! I thought there was a trick but I could never figure it out!" Drakken pushed a button on the table. "Lutz, get the minions in here to finish off Oscar Carlson!"

The doors to the room opened and in came Drakken's henchmen carrying staves whose ends crackled with electricity. "S'cuse me love," said Carlson leaping to his feet. "Time to go into action." Before Shego's astonished eyes Oscar Carlson was managing to dodge their blows while making his count. He uttered battle cries like "Judo chop!" or "Judo kick!" as he struck the guards (which was odd because he was using karate). Soon there was just Lutz, the short tubby lackey who Drakken had nearly fired, left to face the Global Justice agent.

"Do you know how many nameless toadies I've killed in my time?" He asked him. "Look at you, you don't even have a name tag! You better just lie down on the floor right now." Lutz set down his baton and lay down on his belly, spreading his arms and legs on the ground. Carlson looked over at Shego. "So you see, baby, I really _am_ all that," he said proudly.

Shego let out an animal growl and ignited her fists. "Gordon Bennet," muttered Carlson as she launched herself at him. He rolled into the control counsel as she tackled him pressing buttons and flipping switches involuntarily. A scene from _Space Passage_ appeared on one of the monitors. Commander Crane of the _Revenge _was in hand-to-hand combat with a Corpulon warrior. Horns blared as Crane's shirt was ripped by his adversary, exposing his shaved, muscular chest.

As the sixties fight music filled the room, Carlson kicked Shego off of him. She clawed at him, ripping one of the sleeves off his jacket. "Yaah!" she grunted. Oscar picked up a chair to fend her off like a lion tamer. Shego's glowing green hands clawed the chair apart, trying to get at him. The horns that accompanied their fight became louder during each blow before dropping back to their original volume as they struggled. Finally, both Carlson and Shego appeared to be hugging each other as they wrestled for dominance. Shego's eyes grew wide in indignation when she felt a hand on her left buttock. "High!" With an angry cry, she head butted the churlish Global Justice Agent, stunning him and knocking his glasses off his face.

"Ha!" cried Drakken in triumph. He switched off the sci-fi TV show and strode over to gloat over the defeated agent's senseless form. "Oscar Carlson, you may _think_ you're all that, but you're not! Excellent work, Shego. Tie him up and take him to the studio to send our ultimatum! I want Global Justice to see that he's failed!"

"Why should I?" she groused. "Why don't I just quit? The only people stupider than you is the morons who work for you! I'm sick of tripping over a bunch of red suited lackwits, I'm sick of listening to the whining of a self-absorbed narcissist, and most of all, I'm sick of taking orders from a broad shouldered, blue idiot!" Suddenly Shego gasped in shock. Those were the same words that she uttered to Hego when she left Go Tower. Could it be? Maybe crime didn't pay!

"Well," said Drakken, putting his hands behind his back. "Ten percent of a billion dollars is a hundred million dollars." He smiled at her hopefully.

That was right! Superheroes are expected to risk their lives for no reward at all, but supervillains are in it for the profit. If she was trapped in purgatory, it was better to be one of her own making than one that some comet had forced upon her. And being a villain meant that you could take your frustrations out on others without your big brother lecturing you about using your powers responsibly.

"Oh yeah," she mumbled. "Right. Ten percent of the gross…medical, dental, and a week's vacation. That's right. Gotcha. Don't worry. I'll get him ready for his close-up Doctor Dee."

Epilogue

As of this writing, **Shego** is still Doctor Drakken's sidekick, although she has been known to work with other evildoers on occasion. Before encountering Kim Possible, she was only arrested three times, with no convictions (two escapes from jail, one tossed out of court due to lack of evidence and witnesses). She still has a few million in her Swiss bank account and has an excellent credit rating. At the time she first encountered the world famous teen hero Kim Possible, she was wanted in at least eleven countries.

Hego attempted to continue to lead Team Go, but Shego was the only one who knew how to fly the Go Jet. Eventually the team broke up, but they still have been known to occasionally don their masks as individual superheroes. Hego is the manager of the first Mucho Grande Bueno Nacho.

**Gemini **survived falling into the shark tank, but now has an artificial hand in addition to wearing an eye patch. He is still obsessed with destroying Global Justice, and didn't rest until Doctor Director, the head of Global Justice, needed an eye patch as well.

**Professor Dementor **survived being scalped by Shego. In all subsequent sightings of the supervillain he wears a metal facemask. It is unknown whether he has restored his scalp or not. To this day he does not have any sidekicks, partners, or consorts on record.

No one who answered Duff Killigan's ad for a villainous sidekick remained for more than a week. At first Killigan's plots were focused on revenge against the countries that banned him from the golf course and ended his career. In later years, he discovered that revenge, the upkeep of a Scottish Castle, and exploding golf balls are expensive and based his misdeeds on more lucrative crimes such as theft and mercenary work. Doctor Drakken was able to blackmail the world into giving him the funds necessary to build many new lairs, including his main headquarters in the Caribbean. Until he clashed with teen hero Kim Possible, he was a successful inventor and terrorist. Lutz is the only one of Drakken's henchmen never to have been arrested. He is usually fired before the mad doctor's plans come to fruition and is typically rehired when Drakken's other lackeys are still in prison. He is noteworthy as being one of the few people to ever try "Lather, Rinse, Obey: Doctor Drakken's Brainwashing Shampoo and Cranial Rinse."

**Andrea Lindsey **decided that the life of a villain was too dangerous and got into show business instead. Her cosmetic surgery made her look so young she looked like a teenager and was known as "Andrena Lynn, the extreme teen." She was known as a daredevil on her stunt show until it was revealed that she was faking the stunts. As of this writing, she is serving a prison sentence for kidnapping, attempted murder and aggravated assault.

**Oscar Carlson's** success rate against Drakken went down dramatically after Shego arrived. Eventually Special Agent Carlson received medical leave after pinching Shego's bottom one too many times. When he recovered sufficiently to be returned to duty he took a desk job.

Pixie-scout **Kim Possible** eventually became a cheerleader and world famous hero. After the destruction of the World Trade Center, she became interested in saving the world from evildoers like Doctor Evil, Professor Dementor and Osama bin Laden. She created a website for people to ask her for help and became known as the girl who could do anything. When she became Drakken's new archfoe, the evil scientist discovered that the only thing that could defeat a beautiful kung fu vixen is another beautiful kung fu vixen.

Kim's friend **Ron Stoppable** usually helps in a supporting/sidekick role. Ron eventually became her boyfriend, and a hero to a secret school of ninjas.

END


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